Forgiveness seems like a simple concept to understand. We cry out to God and ask His forgiveness for our sins and He forgets them. Forgive someone for doing wrong to you is easy if we follow God's example. But when we make mistakes we often dwell on them and hate ourselves for what we've done. So often we forget to forgive ourselves.
I know I have many times.
About a week I was talking with a good friend of mine. Just to give you a picture of our friendship I'll tell you a bit about him. I met him on my first day in a new school in sixth grade, I was a very shy sixth grader and he was the farthest thing from shy. We became fairly good friends and he lived down the street from me so he would came out with me and the kids that lived in my housing development. We lost touch when I became homeschooled and through Facebook we became friends again and caught up on what's been going on in our lives. I call him a good friend because he's one of the few friends I have that believes in God and because even though we don't talk all that much he always gives me good advice. Anyways, a week ago I was telling him what's been going in on in my life, how I fell away from God and was now clinging to God to help me through the hard times that have fallen on me. I told him about all the guilt I felt by breaking my promise with God, pushing my family away, and turning to alcohol to solve my problems. He told me that God forgives and forgets but I had to forgive myself.
So I thought about what he said. At first I was like "Ha! I've already forgiven myself" but that was a big fat lie. God knew it, and I knew it. I spent the next few days thinking about how to forgive myself. I prayed for God to show me how to do that. And He did. He showed me how to accept the mistakes I made and to let go of the guilt I felt. By letting go of my guilt I set myself free from the torment I was putting myself through. I will always carry the memories of my fall. God showed me that having those memories would sever as reminder of what I had once been. Those memories are no longer a source of torment, they are a reminder of the person I no longer want to be.
Loving and believing in God doesn't mean I won't ever struggle with sin. It doesn't mean I will be perfect. It means that even though I fall short of God's grace everyday He will always be there to forgive me and to help me in my walk with Him. I've been assured that if God can forgive me than I can forgive myself. I doesn't matter to me if no one else forgives what I've done and will do as long as God forgives me and I forgive myself.
I know one day I will be judged for my past. My dream is to encourage people through my writing and that dream will put me in the spotlight. I'm not afraid of the day my past will come into question by others. I'm not afraid to stand before men and tell them all about the mistakes I've made and about the times I've fall short. I'm not afraid because of forgiveness. I hope one day I can be an example of God's forgiveness and show others how to forgive themselves.
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