Discipline

Discipline.  Such a simple word but so hard to put into practice.  It is described as a course of actions leading to a greater goal than the satisfaction of the immediate; and a disciplined person is one that has established a goal and is willing to achieve that goal at the expense of his or her immediate comfort.  Sometimes easy to become a disciplined person when it comes to having a job, having children, or completing school assignments.  We often focus on what needs to be accomplished and even if we hate the work it takes to achieve that goal we preserver until we reach the end.  There are always those time were we have a goal in mind yet we lack the discipline to work towards that goal or we just feel like doing the work.

I'm certainly very guilty of this.  Especially when it comes to writing.  I have been working a lot the last two months and my time for writing has been very limited.  But I have to confess that my writing has really come to a stand still.  On my days off I find reasons to not get any writing done that day.  All in all my disciplined writing habits that I had while I was unemployed have vanished.

I have been reading Be Mature by Warren W. Weirsbe, which is about growing into a mature Christian, in the book Weirsbe takes about how adults will themselves to daily read the Word and spend time with God and how children so things based on how they're feeling.  (I don't have the book with me at the moment so my wording will be different from how Weirsbe said it.)  My point is that when it comes to writing I haven't felt like writing.

I haven't really say down and willed myself to sit and write a certain amount of words.  Don't get me wrong I want to reach my goal of finishing three books this year but I lack the will and discipline to get anything done.  I have been acting as feeling powered, undsciplined child.  This realization has been floating around the back of mind for a long time, I've just been ignoring it.  So I've been praying, as I always do when something like this arises in my life, for God to help me find the will to write and that He will help me become disciplined as I once was.  I don't want to act like a child anymore.  I am 23 and I want to be a successful author.  I want my writing to come to the point were it can support me completely.

Through all this prayer I have made some new goals for myself: 1, I want to write at least 3k words on my days off and 1k words on the days I work; 2, I want want to complete the Forsaken by May 1st; 3, I want to write at least two chapter in Tides at Midnight every week; 4, I want to have a new book series KOST ready for publishing by July 1st.  I know this goals seem hard to reach but they are NOT impossible.  Starting tomorrow I am going to start working hard toward these goals (I say tomorrow because I'm on my to work right now).  I'm going to be keeping track of my progress on a calander so I can see exactly where my time is being spent.

From here on I'm going to working like I never have before to become a successful author.

Romance is Hard

(I apologize for any spelling errors...I am writing this from my iPhone.)

I've discovered something very interesting while writing Tides at Midnight.  Romance is very hard to write.  I thought it would be easy to write a book of the romance genre, but I was wrong.

What makes it so hard for me is that I'm very good at writing fast paced, action type books.  I'm not so good at slow paced, emotion driven books.  I thought I'd be good at romance because I love reading romance (my goodreads account proves that), I love stories about two people falling in love.  Who doesn't?  So when I began writing Tides at Midnight I was so excited to try something new, and I thought it would be easy because I wrote the first six chapters with no problems.  I even have a completed outline!  (Which says a lot 'cause I don't usually have a completed outline.)  Anyways, when I got to writing chapter seven I was struggling with what words to write.  I came to realize that I was struggling because I began to feel like the story was dull and that I needed to make things move faster.  But in truth there is nothing wrong with Tides at Midnight's pace.

The conclusion I've come to is that I need to really rally my patience and not second guess the words I'm writing.  Everyday before I sit down to write I pray.  I pray that God will guide my writing and that He will show me the story I need to write.  I pray that He will help me to overcome the struggles I've been having as I write a romance novel.  I have a feeling that Tides at Midnight can be a really great novel, or an awful one.  (I'm praying for great!)

I know a lot of people are going to tell me I should share what I'm writing and get feedback.  But I feel like for right now I shouldn't because, well, to be honest Tides at Midnight is a very personal book for me.  Here's the description blurb from goodreads:

Alyssa fell in love with Samuel, a dying man.

The cancer claimed Sam's life at the age of nineteen; leaving Alyssa a widow at eighteen.

Sam leaves behind a single letter for Alyssa. He wants Alyssa to make every one of her dreams come true, but she doesn't know how to do that anymore. Alyssa's grief weighs heavily on her heart; she's haunted by memories of Sam in everything she sees. In order to overcome her grief, Alyssa throws herself into decorating her house, creating artwork, working at the diner, and partying with her best friend. But every time Alyssa thinks she has put distance between herself and her grief a new reminder of Sam's absence eats away at her.

Then Trent comes into Alyssa's life; and flips everything she knows about love upside down. The closer Trent gets to breaking through Alyssa's protective layers the more she pushes him away.

A world of possibilities open up for Alyssa, she only needs to decide what direction she wants to go in.

A lot of my personal feelings about how to cope with losing someone you love to cancer is in Tides at Midnight.  A lot of what I have seen wives, friends, husbands, parents, and siblings go through after they have lost someone to cancer is in this book.  Tides at Midnight comes from a place in my heart that I've really shared with anyone.  I'm not good at talking about my feelings, so this is how I'm sharing what I've gone through.  This is the reason why I'm not really willing to share it just yet.  I look forward to the time when I am ready to share it.  There's always a price of me in everything I write, and I'm excited to share all those pieces with you.

(Sam and Alyssa's relationship idea came from a story my doctor told me about a 17 year old cancer patient that married her boyfriend so that he could be with her during all her treatments because she always did better health wise with him by her side.  My doctor told me this story years ago and I've never been able to stop thinking about that couple.)

Money...Money...Money

I need prayer!  I've given God complete control over my financial situation and I am terrified.  For years I have made my fiances only my problem and not God's.  I stressed over my bills, my debt, and my sometimes unreliable car a lot more than I needed to.  I had the mindset of this is my problem, not anyone else's; I was going to be the one to fix the mess I made.  God taught me otherwise very quickly...for the second time.

I was unemployed from September to January.  That would be the second time I went without a job for extended period of time (the first time it was for a year and a half).  I'll be honest it hurt my pride...a lot.  For the second time in my life I wasn't able to support myself like I have since I was 16.  I was very, very sacred.  I was terrified to find out what my future held.  So I did what I always do...I prayed.  I read my Bible every morning and then I sat on my bed or face down on the floor for about an hour everyday.  I prayed like i had never had prayed before.  I prayed to my God because I had once again come to the end of myself.  The devil had led me away from God and had his way with me. (My Promises of Purity touches on what i fully mean.)  In my time of prayer God revealed to me everything I needed to let go of in order for Him to have full control over my life.  So I lifted up all of those things to Him, which included my finances.

When I got hired at RGIS, my time of unemployment over, I prayed that God would help with everything I needed such as my bills paid, gas to get to work, and such; I prayed that he would provide everything I wanted like going to Power's with my brother and sisters, new clothing, and to have a bit money to save.  When I got my first weeks schedule I was very worried that hours they gave me would not be enough to provide for my needs and wants.  So I went to the Lord in prayer.  I was literally down on my hands and knees begging God to give me hours at work so I would have enough to pay my cell phone bill, renew the tabs on my car, and have enough gas to get to work in the coming weeks.

God answered my pray.

I nearly cried because my paycheck gave me enough money to tithe, renew my tabs, pay my cell phone bill, and have enough for gas.

I'm still terrified of what's going to happen in the coming, but I know who to turn to when my fear gets the better of me.  I will continue praying and giving God control until my finances are where they need to be.  I don't know how of this is going to work out, especially my debts; but I can't wait to see what God is going to do for me.

God is good.